play-in game
(13) tigertailz, "love bomb baby"
(13) lizzy borden, "me against the world"
and will play in the march shredness tournament beginning 3/1

Read the essays, watch the videos, listen to the songs, feel free to argue below in the comments or tweet at us, and consider. Winner is the aggregate of the poll below and the @marchshredness Twitter poll. Polls closed @ 9am Arizona time on Feb 1, 2018. 

Which song should be in March Shredness?
Lizzy Borden, "Me Against the World"
Tigertailz, "Love Bomb Baby"

I missed out on Lizzy Borden’s “Me Against the World” back in my hair metal-loving junior high days (shout out to the 80s, when you had to wait around for MTV or, even worse, Friday Night Videos to play your favorite rather than just queueing it up on YouTube) Which is a shame, since it is one of the few songs that became an ear worm for me as I churned through the Hair Metal That Time Forgot. These days, as an adult and a parent, I have a hard time controlling my eye-rolling at the “fight the authority” genre of hair metal, but this song gets it just right: “I’m on the defense / I’m not made of stone.” We can all still feel that, right? I’ll go so far as to say that it’s possible to listen to this song and construe “the world” as an oppressive political regime rather than, say, the vice principal. Plus, it gets bonus points for that VERY shreddy bridge, topped off with a Goth-y vocal (I’m sucker for a good bridge AND a Goth-y vocal). Additionally, Lizzy Borden WORKED the look. They ALL committed—no balding dad-bod bassist here! Lead singer Lizzy Borden’s silver caped stage costume is a glorious and I like his “Look at my nails!” pose as well. This is the glam side of hair metal – this facet of the genre fared less well with mainstream MTV/Top 40 audiences back in the 80s, but, in my opinion, still has plenty to offer us today.

Tigertailz’s “Love Bomb Baby” opens with a degree of catchiness that would make even Poison murmur, “Well, that’s not metal.” But before the viewer can really process that disdain she is confronted with: hair, HAIR, cut-to-crotch bodysuit, hair, flying v guitar, pink penis missile, and also more hair. Truthfully, this gives me the same “mmm, that’s not quite right” feeling that 90s British rap did (Tigertailz are Welsh). Yet: they are having so much fun! SO MUCH! It feels churlish to criticism them, when they are teasing the hair and wearing the outfits and fondling the missiles. Every time they put their heads together and lean into the camera I feel I am being asked: “What more do you want? HUH?” I mean . . . I want better verses? With intelligible lyrics? Maybe a little bit of the crunchy metal edge that allowed 1980s me to feel like I was listening to something hardcore? We’ve all accepted that hair metal does not have a comfortable relationship with the concept of authenticity but STILL. Still. The video ends with the missile “exploding” in the cheapest (in terms of special effects) possible way, which feels exactly right. I will allow “Jet,” a YouTube commenter to have the final word: “I looked like this, changed for the times in the 90's but hated grunge. to all of you that think they look gay, like i said i looked like this and got WAAAAAAY more chics than any of you will in your entire lifetime!” Fin.

Megan Campbell is a member of the Official March Shredness Selection Committee. She also runs the online vintage store Bad Cholla Vintage

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